Friday, August 7, 2009

They Don't Make It Easy To Exercise On Exercise TV

They don't make it easy. The other day I got up early, as usual. That isn't the part that Exercise TV is to blame for. I decided not to take a walk. Not their fault either. I decided to do a couple of Exercise TV On Demand segments. My sister, my daughter and I are all fans. I decided to suffer and do cardio rather than the yoga video with the guy stretching in front of what looks like the Grand Canyon. Or the devastatingly fit women cardio sculpting in a canyon of aspens. I don't have any aspens in my living room. Still not their fault.

Less Is More Cardio makes use of boxing moves. Which means Miss Cindy has you do "boxing feet." Do you know what "boxing feet" are? That's when you put said feet apart wider than your hips and go tippy tap tippy tippy tap. Or, more realistically, thumpety thumpety thumpa thumpety. Let me just say this is noisy. Noisy enough, apparently, to wake a sleeping teenaged boy. Who will then emerge, in boxers, stand sleepy-eyed and aghast, and start to laugh at the sight of his mother in basketball shorts, and "boxing feet." He may even mimic the rhythm he has been hearing through the door, being a musical sort of fellow.

I persevere. If I stopped exercising every time I realize I look silly I'd long since have given it up. I move on to 10 Minute Pilates. Not only do I not have any aspens in my living room, I don't have a yoga mat. So I do floor exercises on a towel. A green towel covered in pink flamingos which we won at a school auction when said teenager was in 8th grade. As below.

Nicole Stewart starts leading me through the required 10 minutes of Pilates. Thank you Nicole. This makes me feel infinitely more competent and fit than "boxing feet." My sense is that since I do not have a boxing head, boxing hands, or a boxing stomach, it's not surprising that I don't have boxing feet.

I can do most of what she wants me to do. Unlike the "boxing feet." This video I don't have to speak to the way I spoke to the labor nurse when giving birth to said teenager. When the nice young woman said "Push through the pain!" I said, "YOU push through the pain! I'm just going to lie here!" I'm apt to make similar disrespectful comments to Exercise TV. It's OK. They can't hear me.

As I said, I can do most of what she wants me to do. Until we get to the advertising function. I understand the need for advertising. If they didn't advertise during these videos, I'd have to pay. I'm on board for this business model. Until, as I am lying flat on my back, counting out 100 repetitions of the arm lift pictured above. New Balance flashes their banner. The key phrase being, "Buy Now!"

Huh? How? Every part of my body which might be reasonably considered able to make a purchase is occupied.

Which causes me to argue with the television for the remaining 3 minutes of 10 Minute Pilates. Oh well. Perhaps it raised my pulse. Which is more than I can say for the laughing teenager.

Have a lovely weekend.

Images from the Exercise TV website



Blogger Dani @ Weddings Fresh said...

oh i am sorry. and you are not alone...if it makes you feel any better, my 36 pound toddler jumps on my back when i am doing push-ups and runs underneath my legs when i do least we are doing something, right? :)

August 7, 2009 at 8:25 AM  
Anonymous Maya@A Beach Lovers Place said...

Maybe I should try this..., it sounds so amusing..., a TV work out, I'd do the Pilates. Have a great weekend.

August 7, 2009 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Susan B said...

You're a better man than I, Gunga Din.

I keep thinking about doing some yoga or pilates, but never seem to get beyond the planning stage.

August 7, 2009 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger TheInspiredHousewife said...

Hahaha. I love this post. You and my mom should exercise together. She loves yelling disrespectful comments at the TV too. Come to think of it, I have inherited this trait from her too. :)

August 7, 2009 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I hear you about looking funny while getting fit. I swim and for a lot of it I am in a full wet suit (with special gloves, cap and sox in May and Octover), and my kids can't look at me.
But I feel so good when I'm done!
Love those "boxing feet!"

August 7, 2009 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger LPC said...

Pseu, I can do anything for 10 minutes. Especially if I get to yell at it while I do it. Maybe even wear a wetsuit. But I don't know for sure.

August 7, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Joan said...

Laughed so hard reading this post that my abs say "thank you for the workout".

August 7, 2009 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Confessions of a Plate Addict said...

How funny! And how true! I had all three tapes (so you know it's been a while) for Billy Blanks' Tae Bo, but discovered that I am not capable of kick matter how slowly you do it! Today I vacuumed. That counts, right? Happy weekend...Debbie

August 7, 2009 at 4:39 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I hate exercising with a passion. But I force myself to go because eating is my hobby.

I hate the stupid music they play for my step class. Instead, I listen to the local talk radio shows, which sometimes gets me so furious (how dare the city council spend $300,000 on an art project when they are closing public pools for the summer because of lack of $$) that my heart rate is higher because of the news than because of my exercising. Which is fine. Still burns calories, right?

August 8, 2009 at 6:17 AM  
Blogger LPC said...

Civic indignation counts. Vaccuuming counts. Laughing counts. I have been known to blow dry my hair in a lunge position and fidget a lot while I drive. I count those things too.

August 8, 2009 at 7:04 AM  
Blogger Little Bow Prep said...

Interesting story!

I find motivation to run in front of the TV. No running, no TV.

August 8, 2009 at 5:03 PM  

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