The High WASP Code of Conduct

High WASPs may or may not be religious. They may or may not have attended an Ivy League college. They may or may not live in a large house with stables out back. But they all subscribe to the High WASP code of conduct. You learn tenets of the code as you grow up, starting as a very young child, and continuing throughout your life.

Note that this is a draft. My sister hasn’t confirmed yet that I have this right. Others may also have ideas. High WASPs believe in the civil exchange of opposing opinions.

The High WASP Code of Conduct

1. Look people in the eye when you shake hands.

2. Stand up straight. High WASPs are obsessed with posture.

3. Do what you said you would do. Including show up on time. Two minutes early is even better.

4. Assume that others will behave as you behave. That others also know the rules. Play by the rules.

5. Speak about others only as you are prepared to have them speak about you. Never ever try to make anyone feel bad.

6. Vote and give to charitable causes.

7. Use your good silver and linen tablecloths as often as you can.

8. When you are beaten, or badly treated, forgive when possible rather than seek revenge. Revenge is childish.

9. Bad taste, vulgarity, and ostentation, however, are most difficult to forgive. This will make #5 a very difficult tenet to adhere to.

10. Send sincere, thoughtful condolences in the event of death.

11. Always, always remember: A simple thank you will suffice.